And then it hit me...

So my reaction has been pretty good lately...until Thursday afternoon - it kinda hit me.
And the physical hurt came flooding in. You know that twist in your stomach??? Going over and over every little tiny detail in your mind....all from the devil to keep me angry and stop me from staying strong and in prayer and supporting my husband.
My grandmother came up for a few days, so I've spent the last two days in bed...crying...not so much out of hurt but kinda "mourning" shall we say the loss of trust that we had worked so hard to rebuild. She brought up the book "the love dare". It was in the movie FIREPROOF (that if you haven't seen you should see). My initial reaction was....she should give it to Chris, he has to do it to me. Then I opened the book:

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearning with one another in love" Ephesians 4:2

So I'm thinking, ok, maybe I could at least read it. Then a little further down:

Love will inspire you to become a patient person. When you chooose to be patient, you respond in a POSITIVe way to a NEGATIVE situation. You are SLOW TO ANGER. You choose to have a long fuse instead ofa quick temper. Rather than being RESTLESS and DEMANDING, love helps you settle down and begin extending MERCY to your spouse. Patience brings and INTERNAL calm during an EXTERNAL STORM.........Anger is usually caused when the strong desire for something is mied with disappointment or grief.


Ok......it was kinda like God reached down and slapped me across the back of the head...that this was for me to do - love my spouse through this.

So I have committed to do this for the next 40 days. Not make any decisions about our marriage (whether to split up for a time or not) until the dare is over. Pray for me!
The past two days have been hard. I haven't really been talking to Chris but I haven't been mean either (despite times when I've wanted to be). God is walking me through this. Thankfully this time around I have him - well....I always had him, but I'm clinging to him this time.

God is good....He will restore.