Another log on the fire...

DANTE!!! DANTE!!! DANTE!!!

I finally got to meet my sweet little nephew on Monday. He is so squishy and cute. I couldn't get enough of him. He'll be so big the next time I see him at the end of the month. I had alot of fun visiting with my brother as well...miss him so much. He looked so old and mature holding that baby of his.

Couldn't be happier for them.

On a side note....here's another log to add onto the fire that seems to be my marriage.

About a week ago I started feeling very tired, throwing up, no appetitie. I thought it was just depression from everything going on with the hubby, but I took a pregnancy test just in case. It was positive. Again, a flood of mixed emotions sprung up in me. I always wanted another baby, but now was definetely not the time so I found myself almost dreading the pregnancy...which is just the reaction I got from Chris. Happy that we're pregnant but wishing it were another time....when things are better with us (I guess it's good that we're looking into the future and seeing us together).

So when I drove down to Waterdown to see my nephew (cutest baby ever besides my three of course) I went to my family doctor as we still don't have one here. She gave me an ultrasound and we discovered that the baby had died...the doctor said that it died about 4 days before at 4.5weeks. Even though I hadn't really wanted to be pregnant right now, it's still very sad and upsetting and something I never imagined I'd be dealing with on top of everything with Chris.

It is funny how God works though. He has a reason for everything. The thought of being pregnant forced Chris and I to tackle huge discussions about our marriage that we'd been avoiding. And even though He deemed it the wrong time for the baby to join our family, those few short days that we were expecting, we became closer, something that probably wouldn't have happened without it. It was hard to go to the appointment and then go hold my nephew....thankfully tears were justified as it was my first time holding him.

Still.....it's a sad few days. It would have been easier for it to end up being a false alarm rather than hearing "yes your pregnant...but not anymore". God is preserving my heart and sould and strength through all of this. Chris and I had a great movie night last nite...which we hadn't done since everything happened.

We're getting through it. VERY SLOWLY...but progress is being made.